“To believe anything with certainty we must begin by doubting.”
-Stainslaw Leszczynski
Writing a “worship” song about doubt seems sort of counterintuitive. But I’ve always resonated with people like “Doubting” Thomas in the Gospels. Thomas was always asking good questions. He really loved Jesus, but his skepticism always nagged at him. At one point, Thomas is trying to keep up with Jesus’ theological treatise and just gets exasperated. We don’t understand, Thomas says. And Jesus comforts them with one of the most beautiful things ever recorded:
“I am the way, the truth, and the life…”
Doubt isn’t a handicap in the Christian faith. It’s a rite of passage. Doubt is the means through which every Christian learns to really trust Jesus. By asking good questions and sincerely seeking to know the truth, we’ll find it. Or rather, we’ll find Him. I don’t think Jesus expects us to understand every possible nuance of theology. His disciples couldn’t even do that. And so “faith” seems less about retaining information, and more about trusting within the context of relationship.
I’ve taken a lot of comfort in a quote I once read from Rosemary Clement-Moore: “Faith isn’t the absence of doubt. It’s belief without proof, not without question.”
In those moments of doubt, the moments of questions without answers when we feel trapped in a downward spiral of unknowing...let us trust like children in those beautiful words:
“I am the way, the truth, and the life…”
lyrics
When I’m empty and weak
And I don’t have the strength to stand
And despair cripples me
And the shadows consume my plans
Show me the way
Show me the truth
Show me the life, Jesus
When temptation surrounds
And I can’t figure out Your ways
And I’m buried in doubt
And I’m losing my grip on faith
Show me the way
Show me the truth
Show me the life, Jesus
I have no other rock upon which I can stand
You are my hope, You are my hope
Without you I confess I have no other plan
Where would I go? Where would I go?
When the grave comes for me
And I have no ambitions left
And I’ve said my goodbyes
I will breathe with my final breath
You are the way
You are the truth
You are the life, Jesus
credits
from Fifty Songs,
track released February 22, 2016
Credits.
Co-written with Rick Piatek & my wife Melissa. Specifically, Rick suggested the descending bassline at the very end of the song, which I thought was a nice touch. Melissa finished the final verse. My buddy Jonny Gerber also helped edit and guide the song along the way.
How I wrote it.
One morning the phrase “when I don’t have the strength to stand” kept coming to mind. So I began with that, and the melodies unfolded really quickly. Melodically, the song was “finished” inside an hour. But the lyrics seemed to take forever. I had to slug this one out with the verses, and finally turned the final verse over to Melissa to finish.
Interesting fact.
I often change my surrounding to stimulate creativity. For this song, I visited the massive cemetery near my house, hoping to grapple a bit with the idea of mortality in the lyrics.
(On a similar note: I actually love writing in cemeteries. It’s always super quiet and tranquil and there aren’t many distractions.)
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